Gilly DREAMS, WISHES AND HOPES. When we were told that Gill’s cancer was terminal, we found ourselves in a position that we could spend time discussing plans for this day. Gilly told me that I would need to thank everybody for the kind support that we have been given over the last year and a half In the last two weeks of Gill’s life I sat with her and started to make a list of people to thank and it soon became apparent that if I was to read them all out it would take all day. I will say thank you to everybody personally in the fullness of time but for now I would just like to thank you all on behalf of Gill, myself and the boys for your kind support. I would just like to spend some time to give you glimpse of the wonderful lady that was Gilly. Gill was so many things to so many people. - She was the ever loving dedicated wife - The passionately devoted mother - The always caring daughter and sister - The fun loving friend with that beautiful laugh that was unique in so many ways. - And the truly professional nurse All the previous words that I have used are not enough to describe her dedication to her work, patients, colleagues, family and friends and I think that if I were to sum up Gilly in one word it would have to be selfless. Even suffering as she was, she would still always apologise to the nurses for troubling them because she believed that there was always somebody worse off than she was. I would ask that you indulge me for a moment as I go back in time. I always remember sitting in Church one Sunday morning at the age of 7. On this particular Sunday morning my Mum, two sisters and brother for some reason had not gone to Church so I went with Dad and had to sit with him in the choir stalls. In those days the choir used to face the congregation. As the rev Jimmy Dean preached I can remember looking out in the congregation and seeing a family that I had never seen before. I can specifically remember this family because there were two little girls who were dressed identically; both had a lovely turquoise poncho. I was particularly transfixed by one of these two girls and I knew she must be an angel. As the service progressed I found myself daydreaming. I dreamed that I would marry her, I wished that I wasn’t seven and that we were both a lot older so that I could tell her how much in love with her I was and I hoped that she would be at Church every Sunday so that I could find out her name and ultimately fulfil my dream and wish. This little girl was my first love. I went to church for the next few weeks praying that she would be there but she wasn’t and I never saw her again. Dreams turn to dust, wishes simply evaporated and the hope of seeing that beautiful little girl again soon faded and turned to despair. A crushing blow for a seven year old but I will always remember my first love and that feeling. You may be wondering why I told you that story but it is all about those dreams, wishes and hopes. I have asked Arnold to recount the story of how we met so I would like to jump forward in time to a couple of months before Gilly and I were due to get married. We were sitting in her Mum and Dad’s front room looking at photographs of Jackie’s wedding and as these things often happen, we strayed from the wedding photographs to looking at old photographs and as we were laughing and joking at some of the old pictures I suddenly stopped and stared in shock at a photograph that I was holding – it was a photograph of a little girl in a turquoise poncho – that same angelic little girl that I had seen in Church all those years before and you’ve probably already guessed it was Gill. The dream was that I would marry that little girl and that dream was about to come true, the wish was that I was no longer seven and that we were both old enough that I could tell her how much I loved her – wish granted. And I hoped that I would see her every Sunday in Church, that I could find out her name and fulfil my dream and wish. Strangely, dream, wish, hope fulfilled. Sometimes the dreams, wishes and hopes we have don’t always manifest themselves as we would expect. After we were married we shared all of our dreams, wishes and hopes. We dreamed that we would have children. We wished that they would be wonderful and talented and we hoped that we would be able to guide them through life’s rocky road. I think that anybody that knows these two wonderful young men will know that our dreams, wishes and hopes have once again come true. Both have made us so proud with their fantastic musical talents and wonderful acting skills and we are delighted with how well they are doing at school and how polite, kind and friendly they both are. I know that the lions share of their success comes from a wonderful mother who gave everything she could to give them good manners, show humility and respect to others and always think of others before themselves and it was Gill who taught them that hard work and belief in themselves is the key to success. Of course, Gilly did have previous experience of this because it was Gilly who taught me all of these things. From our little two up two down in Shaw Heath we dreamed that we could buy a house in Cheadle Hulme. We wished that I had a better job that would allow us to do this and we hoped that it would be our family home for years to come. Once again dream, wish, hope fulfilled. There were so many more dreams, wishes and hopes that we shared and I can’t think of one that was not fulfilled. I now want to jump forward again in time to one month ago yesterday – Christmas day. We had further dreams, wishes and hopes. The dream was that Gill would be well enough to come home for Christmas. The wish was that I could make Christmas dinner and that we could share it together and the hope was that it would be perfect. As it was Gill didn’t get home and I realised that sometimes dreams, wishes and hopes don’t always reach fulfilment. On Christmas Eve, feeling despondent I decided to take the turkey that I had bought and make Christmas dinner for the three of us and Emma, Ben’s girlfriend. After dinner I left the kids and took all the wonderful presents over the St Ann’s where I wrapped them with Gill, something we have always done together. On Christmas day the three of us went to St Ann’s first thing in the morning to open presents together. Ben and Jamie gave Gill a CD which she described as the most wonderful present she had ever received. It is with my sincere gratitude to all those at Cheadle Hulme High School who were involved with making this CD. This CD featured a couple of songs from Ben’s band, a couple from Jamie’s band and one song that they recorded together. This song is one of Gilly’s all time favourite songs and she asked that it be played today. We titled the CD ‘That was for my Mum’. After the opening of the presents Ben Jay and I came to Church, while Gilly rested. We then went back to St Ann’s. The nurses bought in a table and decorated it with cloth, crackers and the usual Christmas refinement and proceeded to give us a full five course Christmas dinner. We had finished dinner by 1.30 which left the entire afternoon for Ben and Jay to enjoy their presents while Gilly and I slept. The dream was that Gilly came home for Christmas and then I remembered the phrase “Home is where the heart is.” There is no house that has a heart as big as St Ann’s and realised that it wasn’t Gilly that needed to come home, it was Ben, Jamie and myself that came home for Christmas. The wish was that I would make Christmas dinner and that we could share it together. I did make Christmas dinner and we did all share one together, albeit not the same one. The hope was that it would be perfect and I would challenge anybody to have a more perfect Christmas day than the one we shared together. Dream wish hope fulfilled – once again not quite manifesting itself as we expected. On the day that we were told that Gill only had days left with us we were talking with Dot from the day care centre from St Ann’s and Gill said that she had only one regret that she hadn’t had grandchildren. I pointed out to her that we would have far more than one regret if we did have grandchildren. It’s ok to laugh because she did! You see I get great comfort in knowing that if that was her only regret Gill had really lived her life to the full. A man names Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote ‘it’s not the length of life, but the depth of life’ and if I didn’t know better I would have sworn that he had written it for Gill. I said at the beginning that Gill and I had time to discuss this day and 5 days before she died I was telling her some of the parts of what I was going to say today. She agreed that was what she wanted and paused and then she looked at me and said “what am I going to say”. I thought that the medication was having an affect so I held her hand and said “darling let me speak for both of us”. She looked at me and said “no you fool, obviously I am not going to say it but I want some words to be read out” and this is what she said “Mum and Dad I never went without anything because you always put the three daughters before anybody else which is what I have tried to do with my sons. Thank you for everything.” On the day she died all our dreams turned to dust, the wishes we had simply evaporated and any hope turned to despair. Eventually having come home from St Ann’s I found myself sitting in the front room alone feeling simply empty. It was a strangely familiar feeling and I think we have all experienced this feeling to a lesser or greater degree when we have lost somebody. As I sat I thought of the first time I felt this feeling – it was when I was seven and the little girl in the turquoise poncho disappeared from my life forever – and we all know how that story ended and I came to realise that I do still have our dreams and as long as I hold onto them, I know that Gill will provide the drive and motivation that I need to fulfil these dreams. I wish that she was still here and that I could see her every day and then I realise when I look at my two wonderful sons that I can see her in them. I hope that she is at peace and away from all the suffering and strangely I know that my hope is fulfilled.